Ever wondered why an alcoholic drinks when they know that it does not help them? Do you think maybe they have not fully understood that drinking is not doing their health any good, that they will lose their job, their kids, their relationships, that it upsets all the people around them and that whatever problems they are hiding from will still be there once they sober up.
When people try to help a problem drinker they use reason to help make them to see the consequences of their actions and often get frustrated when the obvious effects of the behaviour is not enough to stop them drinking. The reality is much simpler than people are able to accept.
Alcoholics and problem drinkers drink because it is the best way they know how to deal with their feelings at that time. Problem drinkers drink to change how they feel whilst those who try to help focus on reason, not the feelings of the alcoholic at that moment. The person feels rubbish in some way, maybe it is money worries, relationship problems, grief, sometimes they cannot explain their feelings but whatever they are, they feel emotional painful, and they have discovered a quick and effective why to change how they feel. They drink, and drink and drink….. If drinking did not help them deal with their pain they would not do it over and over again.
Drinkers already know all the reasons not to do it. They have been told many times and yet they continue. So ironically the more people use reason to convince a drinker to stop the more the person is learning to hate themselves, for being stupid, weak, selfish and worse. The more they have negative feelings the more they want to drink.
The best way to help a drinker is to help them to deal with these feelings instead of trying to use reason to convince them to change. Not sure how? Seek mutual aid, professional help or learn to listen. It took time to get to this point and it will take time to enter full recovery but it will happen, have faith.